Weekending In Ontario

"Hey you guys, let's go on a weekend trip to the falls! It'll be so much fun, we can get away for a while, see nature, have some beers, oh and we can catch the UFC fight up there!"

Sounds GREAT in theory. Let's take a look at how the trip actually went.

Upon departure:
"It's 234 miles to Canada, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. "
"OH CANADA...wait I have no idea what the rest of the words are."
Right about when we entered New York:
"Oh wait, no one has directions? Oh it's fine just use the gps...Oh you mean it doesn't come preloaded with maps of Canada? Thank God for cell phones...wait this doesn't have Canada either...shit."

Upon pulling into the hotel:
"Oh this is the hotel? I was expecting it to be a total crap hole. This doesn't look so bad, good pick Lauren!"

Upon entering the room:
"Oh it smells, do you guys smell that?"
"Well it doesn't look so bad...hey look we have a mini fridge, that could come in handy. "
"Guys seriously don't touch the bedding if you don't have to, we'll go get the sheets...and buy towels...and purel."

"Oh guy's...oh no, they didn't even change the towels... OR CLEAN THE TOILET! Going to the bathroom is not happening this weekend."
"Wait a minute, why do the lights not work?"
"What do you mean there are no outlets!"
"Did someone punch a hole in the wall?!"
"Maybe we spoke too soon"
John: "No way this place is awesome!! Look, the TV is preset to Spike!!! This place was MADE for us!"

Upon waking up the next morning:
"Did the pimps with the domestic dispute keep anyone else up last night?"
"Will someone help me shower without actually taking a shower?"
(yes that's right, I leaned my head over the shower...no way I was getting naked in the bathroom where black mold came to retire.)
"I had a dream there was a dead hooker under the bed...no John don't actually look, I don't want to know."

Upon seeing the falls and it's millions of gift shops:
"This was definitely cooler when I was seven."
Saturday nights in Canada:
"Oh that little Mexican canteena looks good"
"Wait...why is everyone that works here Jewish..."
"We're getting charged extra for sour cream?!? I'm starting to miss America."

Well that was the trip, I'm writing it off as a fabulous adventure/lost weekend with some of my favorite people. Would I ever do it again? Sure why not, but I'm staying at a Marriott and I'm getting a tan.