Facts of Life

No matter how many shifts you cover, no one will ever be able to cover yours when you really need it.

Unless your name is Jaimie Costello, who is an angel and will take your shift when no one else will<3

Guy advice

Ladies there are olny so many one word texts you can send before he stops giving a shit.*

*see "fine." "yeah." And "whatever."

Aunt pats pumpkin martinis

Just in case you want the recipe:

For 3 drinks
3 shots pinacle
1 shot Voyant chai liqeur
.5 shots pumpkin spice liqeur
Splash of baileys

Christmas presents

This year instead of a bunch of presents I asked for the money to be donated to someone else who needs it more than I do. I got two amazing gifts that blessed me more than a new cardigan ever could.

Mike and Jen donated in my name to help build a new church in hati that our church is planting.

Phil and Emily took the money I would've gotten for presents and put an orphaned little boy in the horn of Africa  (whose parents died from aids) into a Christian home for a year, giving him food, clothes and shelter.

The first christmas changed the world, this is proof that it still can.

My dogs however, did not seem to like their christmas gifts....

Christmas spirit

The car in front of me covered a dollar of my toll today.

Isn't that awesome?

Awkward

When you're that person that no one at the wedding knows.

Yep that's me right now. In a room full of strangers, at a table with no one else sitting with me.

I do believe its time to start drinking.

White tuxedos

Should not exist.

Ever.

More on this later.

Sleep is for the dead...or something

Get to work an hour because no one sent you a revised schedule? Still tired from the night before? I have come up with the perfect solution:

#sleeponthefloor

Rant

I'm just going to say it.

This job is bullshit. Total bullshit. I bust my ass all the time for my boss, I work off the clock, I make awesome numbers, yet there is still a ton of favoritism. I still get hit the hardest. If I don't get something done, I'm crucified for it. If a coworker makes the same mistake its not a huge deal.

I can't wait to graduate and never step foot in an FCS ever again

God wants YOU.

I had the joy of running into what I like to call the Christian Uncle Sam.

After about a 30 or 40 minute discussion about which translation is the most accurate, this customer of mine informs me that its all a crap shoot anyway. If we truly understand gods will for each and every one of us, we will all agree that the only solution is this:

God wants YOU to learn Greek.

Because clearly all bible translations fail in accurately depicting Gods word.

So get on it with it! Stop reading my blog and grab your rosetta stone Greek edition. After all its gods calling for us all.

Tips for Spending Less by Anastasia

My friend Anastasia is eternally trying to save money. So much so that she has priced out who as the lowest price ramen noodles.

Just in case you were wondering:
Target: 29 cents
Gas stations: 89 cents
Cvs: $1.50

Thankful

This year I'm thankful for Jake. He keeps me grounded and points me back to god in those moments when I let the world get the best of me.

I'm also grateful for the six beautiful nieces and nephews god gave my family. Each one of them is so different and special, I couldn't imagine my life without them.

I'm also thankful for new girlfriends God has given me. I don't feel like I'm missing out on the fun of my twenties anymore.

Facts of life

Less money, more problems.

Bath time

Bath time is always more fun with aunt kell.

Hmm

Where have all the real, strong, Godly men gone.

Cute

Cute is for babies, puppies, and that boy you had a crush on in sixth grade.

I am 21 years old. I am a grown woman. You want to compliment me? Call me beautiful, gorgeous, classy or lovely.  Cute says "perhaps I'll notice you when you grow up kid".

Maybe I'm too picky, perhaps its not a big deal, but I'm sick of being told I look cute.

This Christmas

This Christmas I don't want presents. There I said it. I don't want a single gift. I'm sick of getting stuff that I DON'T NEED.

When did it become about money and presents anyway.

I just want to spend time with my family, my boyfriend, and my dogs.  This christmas I want to do something radically selfless. So if you want to give me a present, help build a well, a church, help people in a real way, that means more than that cute sweater from old navy I wanted.

Watch it.

Watch "The Poor Will NOT ALWAYS Be With Us" on YouTube

Firefox

This Halloween I went as the firefox icon. Which was a total win for the following reasons:
1. Excuse to wear a tail, and tails, as we know, ARE AWESOME.
2. Carrying around a globe is a great conversation piece.

More pictures to come. :D

Lamesauce

My own boyfriend doesn't even read my blog. So lameee. 

Jim Gafagin

"whenever I read a legal document it always has those red arrows on it. It's like a live episode of dora the explorer! YOU FOUND IT!"

The queen of the KJV

So I had this customer yesterday. She was one of the real crazy ones. She was Queen of the KJVers, as I like to call them.

This is how our conversation went.

*ring ring ring ring*
Me: family Christian store this is Kelly what can I do for you?
Crazy Queen Nancy: I need the King James Bible.
Me: okay we have plenty in that translation, do you want a study bible or a thin line?
Crazy Queen Nancy: (speaking more loudly now as if I have a hearing problem and didn't quite understand) THE KING JAMES BIBLE.
Me: yes you'd like it in the king James translation, can you tell me any additional features you're looking for?
CQN: well it needs to have a letter from King James in it.
Me: uhhhh....what?
CQN: It has to have a letter from His Majesty King of England! King James girl you know the one?
Me: I don't think we carry annything like that...
CQN: It also needs to have the old and the new testament, and the words that Jesus speaks needs to be in red, and I need Indian paper
Me: Indian paper?
CQN: INDIAN PAPER GIRL IT'S MADE FROM ONIONS.
Me: let me put you on hold while I call and see if this bible is able to be ordered.
*puts call on hold*

It's days like this that I want to quit my job.

More money savers

As most of you know I enjoy the finer things in life.  As most of you also know I'm poor. So when I ran out of conditioner yesterday, there was only one thing left to use this morning...

This is what I get...

So remember when I kept not filling my car up...yeah I remember that to.

Well now its out of gas and won't start. I should've rationed the lawn mower gas better. Fml

Food poisoning

So I'm laying here on the couch, I've had two sips of ginger ale all day, its about all my stomach can handle right now.

I've never had food poisoning before or even been this sick where I'm in and out of the bathroom so much.

I imagine this is what a hang over might feel like.

I'm yours

Life just seems much happier inside a Jason Mraz song...am I right?

brotips

This is probably one of my favorite tumblrs ever.

Lazy

So for the past week and a half, my gas light has been on, and instead of just filling up my car, I keep putting a tiny bit of gas from the lawn mower in it.

Also instead of refilling my wind shield washer fluid, I keep a bottle of windex in my car to just squirt out the window while driving.

Some call it ghetto, I call it awesome.

Working Retail

So retail is slowing killing whatever soul I have left, and sapping all of my faith in humanity. The only thing that has been getting me through my work day is this:

RETAIL ROBIN

This Blog

Is so lacking. BUT good news here folks, it's time for another half hearted revival.

Valentines Day Surprises

This Valentines day was filled with good things.

There was a date with my best girlfriend.
There were pretty flowers.
There were suckers from my coworkers.
There were chocolate covered strawberries I stole from Mom and Steve.

But the most epic part of my night is when Steve walks in and hands me a brown paper bag. This was inside.
"I didn't know what to get you, Happy Valentines Day Kelly."

Step Dad Steve, for the win.